Thursday, 7 August 2014

Symptom: Low self-esteem

Depression Low Self-Esteem

Depression Blog Low Self-Esteem

Top - Primark
Skirt - Topshop
Sandals - Primark
Bag - Asos
Necklace - Asos (Similar)
Rings - Topshop
Watch - Asos
Anklet - Bought in Italy (Similar)

This is the second post about the symptoms of my depression, after the low mood one on Monday. Today I thought I'd concentrate on self-esteem. Can I firstly say that this isn't a post to get sympathy or compliments! My self-esteem has never been particularly great; I even remember in primary school worrying about my big hips and whether my belly was flat or not. However when I get depressed my self-esteem hits rock bottom. I'm conscious about people looking at me because they may think I'm ugly or fat. I feel like people must be laughing about how I look or at my photos on my blog. I know this is all silly when I feel okay, but it's awful to feel like that when I'm really down. It stops me from going out, and I also feel badly about my personality on days like this. I feel like I'm a bad person and don't deserve any happiness in my life, and that I don't have anything worth giving to anyone. I also feel like noone would ever want to have anything to do with me because I'm an awful person and not someone you'd want to be around. I'm not going to ramble on about everything I don't like about myself because i) it would be Christmas by the time you finished reading it, and ii) the point of this post is to show that I'm trying to get over it.

I know that there will always be parts of me that I'll have to learn to love - I forever have bruises on my hips from banging into things and my skin isn't great. But there are parts of me that are slowly growing on me: I like that I'm curvy and have long nails; my eyelashes aren't bad either. I feel like having photos taken of myself most days is slightly helping as I'm learning how I must look to people around me (although some of the more awful photos will never make it onto this blog!). I'm also starting to learn more about myself and my personality - I have a silly sense of humour (yes farts and people falling over are funny) and can make people laugh, and on days when I feel okay I don't think I'm a bad person at all. I am a very caring person and always put other people in front of myself, for example.

The other way I cope with this symptom is by trying to believe compliments that are given to me. I used to be one of those annoying people that would say "oh no I'm not" or "oh, you're just saying that to be nice", but now I try to accept compliments graciously (not that I get loads!).

I think it's important that people try and be confident and comfortable with themselves; after all it's the only body/face/personality you're ever going to get. Confidence comes with time and experience, and I am hoping that my self-esteem issues will slowly resolve along with my illness.

Today I finally finished the article I've been revising for the last week, and have then just been relaxing with my sister and walking my dogs. I'm seeing my best friends this evening for the first time since I got back off holiday and I can't wait! Pizza, Dumb & Dumber and Gossip Girl... need I say more?

Hannah x


  1. Very chic outfit. love the skirt and the bag so much.