Friday, 31 October 2014

Happy Halloween!

So this is what I'm going out as tonight... black swan! Will post more tomorrow... Have a spooky night everyone!

Hannah x

When witches go riding,
And black cats are seen,
The moon laughs and whispers
'Tis near Halloween!

Thursday, 30 October 2014

A-Z of my life

A is for... afternoon tea
I love the idea of afternoon tea; it's very sophisticated and elegant, but I've never actually had it properly (as in with loads of teenie sandwiches and bites of cake). I really want to try it at Panoramic 34 in Liverpool. The funny thing is, I don't even like tea (I'm definitely just in it for the food and amazing photos I could take)!

B is for... Buster
Buster is my chocolate labrador, and is also my best friend. He's so loyal and absolutely hilarious, and I miss him so much when I'm away at university (see my post on him here). I also have a black labrador called Dylan, who is so cute and has been with us for years (see his post here).

C is for... clothes
As you can probably tell from my blog, I love clothes and clothes shopping. I like that you can show off your personality with what you wear - I like lots of bright colours and patterns. I would also like to take this moment to apologise profusely to my bank account (if anyone would like to say a prayer for it I would be very grateful).

D is for... depression
An obvious one, but I wouldn't have started this blog if it wasn't for my illness. In some ways I have a lot to thank my depression for - it has made me a much stronger person and I have learnt a lot about myself.

E is for... eggs
I hate eggs; it's the one food type I won't touch. I once had to eat two fried duck eggs in France as I was served them when I was sat down for a meal with a French family, and it felt rude not too. It was the worst thing I've ever eaten in my life. The only type of egg I may eat is scrambled egg with smoked salmon - but even that is only a recent development!

F is for... family and friends
I know it's so cliche and soppy, but I really couldn't have got this far without my family and friends. They have been an incredible support and I can't thank them enough for what they have done for me. I love you all! (Food also came a very close second for 'f'...)

G is for... giving
That amazing feeling when you give something to someone, be it a gift or just a helping hand, is well worth spending a little bit of money or time. I love it when you give someone something unexpected, or watching friends and family opening presents to see if they like them. Even just giving someone some advice or time for a quick smile or conversation can be so rewarding,

H is for... happy
This is what I currently strive to be... happy every day. For me, I feel happiness so strongly, as when I go for months without feeling it it's such an incredible emotion that too many people take for granted. Happiness is underestimated; a simple laugh or smile can make you feel so much brighter.

I is for... interior design
I love interior design - I think if I wasn't doing medicine I would definitely have considered it as a job. For now it will have to be a really enjoyable hobby; I can't wait to get my own house so I can decorate it! My guilty pleasure is also binge-watching loads of house programmes.

J is for... jewellery
I love how jewellery can completely change an outfit, or make it look so much more stylish. I have a slight obsession with it, and find myself buying new bits and pieces a lot of the time. I like wearing statement jewellery, but also think a simple piece can add so much to a look.

K is for... kisses
Because who doesn't love kisses? Hugs are always good too - especially those big bear hugs when neither person wants to let go.

L is for... lasagne
My favourite food - and my mum's lasagne is the best I've ever had!

M is for... medicine
I've mentioned this a few times, but I'm currently in my third year of studying Medicine at university. It's a massive part of my life and one that I'm really excited about, so it had to be featured in this post really.

N is for... Nutella
I could eat jars of Nutella at a time - I often cook a pitta bread and then slather it with Nutella (or just eat it directly out of the jar... I'm such a student).

O is for... Orange is the New Black
Purely because it's an amazing programme and I've become quite addicted to it recently - there's nothing else like it out there. My housemates and I need to hurry up and finish season two!!

P is for... polydactyly
I mentioned this in my 10 random facts about me post - basically I was born with two extra fingers (they have been removed), and I like that fact because I feel like it makes me a bit different. Nobody ever believes it when I tell them either, so it's good for a game of 'two truths and one lie'!

Q is for... quotes
I love cute inspiring quotes that really make you think - as you may have noticed I put some of them at the bottom of my posts for my ongoing Project Smile.

R is for... reading
I always read before I go to sleep; I find that it relaxes me and I get off to sleep better. I also read if I'm bored or have nothing to do - I think it whiles the time away really quickly.

S is for... singing
I'm not great at singing, but you always know I'm happy if I sing. I find when I get low I don't sing at all, but I really do enjoy it when I feel happy. Especially really loudly in the car.

T is for... travelling
It's such a cliche at my age (but a cliche for a reason) - I love travelling. I love the excitement of exploring a new place and seeing how different it is from home, or coming across unexpected beautiful places. My favourite places I've been so far are Italy and Zanzibar, but I also want to travel to Australia, Croatia, somewhere in the Caribbean, and many more places.

U is for... unique
I always feel sorry for people that want to be like someone else - it's so lovely that everyone is unique in their own way, and I feel like we should all embrace that. There are things about you that make you completely different to everyone else - but they are also what make you interesting.

V is for... vegetarian
I've been vegetarian for about 9 years or so. I still eat fish so perhaps this should be under 'p' for pescetarian... I love vegetarian food - it's really not bland like a lot of people think it is, and is really good if you know what to cook.

W is for... wrists
I have a thing about wrists - I really don't like other people touching or pressing their wrists, but I quite like mine being stroked (as long as I'm not watching). I'm going to make a great doctor...!

X is for... xmas
Cheating there slightly (sorry). My favourite time of the year is definitely Christmas - I get so excited on the lead up to it, and my favourite day is Christmas Eve. I just adore the whole atmosphere of it and how it brings people together.

Y is for... yum
I decided to dedicate 'y' to food - because it had to come up somewhere, didn't it? I'm one of those people that lives to eat, rather than eats to live. I love good food and going out for meals. Sometimes I also base which restaurant to choose on how good the puddings sound.

Z is for... zebra
As I think the best photo I've ever taken was of a zebra whilst on safari (see some of my best photography here). I love being able to capture the moment with my camera, and rarely go out without it on me. I find it really relaxing, and very rewarding when I get a good shot.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Getting excited for Halloween!

As I mentioned in Monday's post, we ventured to Asda to pick up some decorations for Halloween, and this evening we have put them up. We still have some balloons to blow up tomorrow, and I want to make some more decorations, but it has definitely got me in the Halloween mood! We have cauldrons for cocktails for Friday night, with Halloween-style cups to drink them from. The last photo is of my outfit that I'm dressing up in for Halloween... Can anyone guess what I'm going to be?! I love wearing homemade outfits that don't cost very much and are more original than buying a costume from a shop - I had loads of ideas from a mummy to a mermaid for this year, but this outfit is the one I decided on (come back on Friday when all will be revealed!)

I haven't felt that great again today. I think that I'm still having lasting effects from yesterday and I found it really hard to get out of bed this morning, but I did manage it. I took it slowly and step-by-step, and was really glad that I did as I watched a couple of amazing surgeries in hospital. I still don't feel that great this evening, but I know how to manage my low mood now and I make sure it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. I just keep optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.

Hannah x

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart - that's true strength.

Tuesday, 28 October 2014


Today has been awful for me. I have spent most of the day in bed as I just couldn't get myself up, and my mind has been going round and round with negative thoughts. I kept thinking that I was a failure as I couldn't make myself feel better; a failure for taking a step backwards; and a disappointment to my parents and family. I felt so lonely, my heart ached and I felt physically ill and weak. I slept until late and still felt exhausted, and then couldn't get my mind out of its negative thinking - plus I just couldn't stop crying.

The truth is that it's okay to have days like this. Depression takes a long time to overcome and sometimes people need a day spent in bed, so that they can recover and start over again the next day. I have been through some big changes recently, and I believe that heartbreak can be felt from the loss of a lover, a friend, a family member, a pet, or even just a well-loved object. It is one of the worst things that a human can go through, but trust me it does get better and sometimes there is a reason for it to happen. Each day you will find yourself feeling stronger and more in control, and you will eventually come out the other side. Be patient and have hope - you'll be a stronger and happier individual in the future.

I managed to make myself feel better by speaking to my amazing mum, who is always just a phone call away and knows exactly what to say. She's so level-headed and non-judgemental, and talks to me in a logical but empathetic manner. She made me realise that I have a lot to look forward to and should just look to the future where I will be feeling less depressed, and use tomorrow as a new start where I can get myself out of bed. My counsellor told me to take each little step as it comes in the mornings - and getting up won't feel so bad then. I congratulate myself on completing the tiniest tasks such as cleaning my teeth, because these can feel like a mountain when you have depression and don't want to do anything at all.

I also thought I would post a picture that I was sent, as I feel it's quite a simple but good way of looking at things,

Because when you really think about it, what is the point in worrying about things?

Hannah x

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Leopard and crutches

Leopard print skirt denim shirt

Leopard Print Skirt Denim Shirt

Shirt - New Look
Skirt - Primark
Leather Jacket - H&M (Similar)
Boots - Liverpool St John's Market (Similar)
Choker - New Look
Diplodocus Choker - Lofthouse Jewellery

This is actually what I wore yesterday, and the skirt is really old, but I've got back into leopard print recently. I think it can look really nice if it's worn with the right things. The last photo is of my dad on crutches - he is a self-confessed imbecile and has no sympathy from us as this is yet another football injury. Can someone please convince him that he's too old to play football now?!

Today I have just been to hospital and then vegged out on the sofa with my housemates, a lot of food, and some good TV programmes. I also spent some time demonstrating a dance move from Thriller and warbling along to some Shania Twain tunes (who doesn't love a bit of Shania Twain?). We then got overly excited whilst talking about Halloween and decided to make a trip to Asda to buy some decorations for Friday at 11pm this evening. I'm really looking forward to putting these up tomorrow so watch out for them on the blog!

Hannah x

Never give up on something that you really want. It's difficult to wait, but more difficult to regret.

Sunday, 26 October 2014

Halloween/onesie party

Last night I went to my friend Roxy's Halloween party, which basically entailed sitting around in onesies and eating. I got there early evening to find that she'd decorated her whole living room, although I was disappointed to find that she hadn't dressed her dogs up (she did try to get some glow in the dark skeleton outfits, but the shop didn't have the right size). We ate crisps, chocolate, battered prawns, pizza and Haribos, which was amazing. We planned to watch scary films to fit in with the Halloween theme, and eased ourselves in with a rendition of Thriller and then Scary Movie 2. By that point it was about half 11, and we decided to just put on some rubbish reality shows instead. Someone had the bright idea of switching over to the music channels, so we actually ended up prancing around Roxy's lounge doing moves from Thriller and generally looking a bit crazy. Ahh, I love my best friends!

Today I just had a bit of a lie-in and travelled back to Liverpool for another hard week of studying medicine. I got straight into my pyjamas, ate some food and am currently catching up on The X Factor.

Hannah x

Rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Apley Farm

Apley Farm Pumpkins

Apley Farm

Apley Farm Welsh Rarebit

Apley Farm Tea and Cake

Pink Primark Coat

Pink Primark Coat

Pinafore – Miss Selfridge (Similar)
Dress (Worn as Top) – Forever 21
Coat – Primark
Earmuffs – Topshop (Similar)
Boots – Liverpool St John’s Centre (Similar)

Today I have been to Bridgnorth with my family to look around the Saturday market, before meeting my Grandparents at Apley Farm Shop. It’s a lovely little countryside farm near Bridgnorth, Shropshire, that sells various produce, including meat and chocolate, and also has a café. Additionally there is a shop selling nice (but expensive!) clothes, a toy shop, a children’s play area, and an area with lots of animals and donkey rides. We just went to the café today for lunch – I had a welsh rarebit and tomato chutney baguette, which was lovely, but I would very much recommend the cakes! Julie, the lady who bakes them all, used to look after us before and after school when we were little, so we tried all of her amazing baking then. The coffee and walnut cake cannot be beaten (but the others are all pretty good too). I’ve worked out that I have eaten cake every day this week so I was good and didn’t have a piece, but then I saw the tiffin on the way out and just couldn’t resist… Ah well, you only live once!

This evening I’m going to my best friend Roxy’s house for a Halloween onesie and pizza night, with loads of scary films. I hate horror films so will be terrified the whole way through – hopefully we can watch something a little bit less frightening to begin with! It’s lovely being home and spending time with my family and friends; I feel like I can properly relax and not have to worry about work for a couple of days, which is really nice.

Hannah x

Every 60 seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Friday, 24 October 2014

Duvet evening

Chocolate Labrador under duvet

This photo just about sums my night up... I'm currently snuggled on the sofa with my duvet and Buster, and a couple of ginger biscuits. As I keep mentioning, I'm so exhausted all the time at the moment so I've come home this weekend to have a couple of relaxing days. I think I just need to be looked after for a short while!

Hannah x

Never blame any day in your life. Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, the worst days give you a lesson.

Calvin Klein Reveal

Calvin Klein Reveal Perfume

Calvin Klein Reveal Perfume

I had a Debenham's voucher left over from my 21st birthday, so I decided to spend it on some perfume. REVEAL is the newest perfume release from Calvin Klein, and when I tried it I really liked it. With top notes of salt and pepper, heart notes of oris, ambergris and solar accord, and base notes of sandalwood. musk and cashmeran, it's a really warm and subtle scent, and quite an obvious Klein perfume. It lasts for quite a while, is not overpowering at all, and is quite an oriental sort of smell. I love Calvin Klein perfumes - I also have Secret Obsession and Euphoria. They're all quite subtle but oriental - I would say they're quite spicy and sensual.

This post is very late and it's way past my bed time, but I seem to have had a very busy evening. I actually didn't wake up until about half 4 today, so slept for about 16 hours last night. I'm a bit worried about how tired I am and how much I can sleep, but I'm hoping it's just because I'm so busy at the moment. I then did a bit of work and was dragged to a medical society social with my housemates, who wanted to cheer me up a bit. It worked and I really enjoyed myself, and then got back and had a long chat with another one of my housemates until now. So glad the weekend starts tomorrow!

Hannah x

The best feeling in the world is knowing your presence and absence both mean something to someone.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

I heart autumn

I absolutely adore Autumn - I think there's so much to look forward to and so much to like about the season. So here are a few reasons why I love it so much!

Bonfire Night
I love everything about bonfire night - the fireworks, the smell of the smoke, and sparklers. I think it's a lovely thing to wrap up really warm and stand by the bonfire, whilst drinking hot drinks and watching the fireworks. And who doesn't like spelling their name out with sparklers?

The trees changing colour
Autumn is such a beautiful season; the yellow leaves all over the ground are a lovely sight. I love going for walks in the countryside and taking photos of all the different colours. I will also admit that I still enjoy jumping into a big pile of leaves as much as I did when I was younger. When the berries start to grow on the holly trees I always get really excited - it means that Christmas is getting closer!!

Hot drinks
I don't like tea or coffee, but I feel like there's much more of an excuse to drink loads of hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows when the cold weather comes along. I also love hot blackcurrant squash - it reminds me of when I was younger and still tastes really good.

Cool crisp mornings
Autumn and Winter mornings are lovely when the sun is shining. It makes me happy and feels like it will be a good day (although I don't particularly appreciate getting up in the dark...) I like being able to see my breath in the cool air, and think it's really refreshing to take a brisk walk and come back with rosy cheeks.

I think Halloween is so much fun! I love sitting for hours researching fancy dress costume ideas - I like having a homemade costume instead of buying one from a shop. You'll see what I'm wearing this year soon... My best friend is also having a Halloween party this weekend which I am really looking forward to - it will basically be comprised of food and horror films in onesies. She said she's dressing her dogs up so that bit should at least be a bit Halloween-y.

Like a lot of women, I am obsessed with candles, and I think I have the right to burn them every day during the cold weather. I love having loads of different smells, and the Christmas ones are a particular weakness of mine. They add a gorgeous atmosphere to a room - as a kid I'd always love it when we had power cuts and had to go to the loo by candlelight (such a weird experience - it makes it very hard to find the toilet roll).

Autumn and Winter are the really cosy seasons of the year. I adore wrapping up in loads of layers, and having an excuse to stay under the duvet for just that little bit of extra time. And who doesn't like wearing a onesie to stay warm? I also love being inside in the evenings whilst it's windy and raining outside, cuddled up in bed with a good book or lounging around by the fireplace. I'm a bit old before my time, but it's amazing being able to justify having a night in wearing fleecy pyjamas, rather than being freezing outside in teenie clothes whilst queuing for a night club.

Stollen, mince pies and the winter hot chocolate flavours that come out in Costa, along with lots of chocolate and reasons for a meal out. Need I say more?

Oh yes, I saved the best til last. I know Christmas is technically in Winter, but I really start getting excited for it during October. I love everything about Christmas time: seeing all my friends and family; the food; the excitement; watching people open presents (plus receiving them isn't too bad!); and the traditions. The lead-up to Christmas is amazing - I'm like a big kid and get more excited than my little sister. I love decorating the house with baubles and various decorations, and choosing gifts for people is a lovely thing to do. Stocking presents are my favourite - Mum is so good at sourcing little cute things that you would never really buy for yourself, and you never know what your next present will be.

Hannah x

Autumn is the year's last, loveliest smile.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Buster the rabbit

Check Midi Skirt and Sweater

Accessorize Camera Bag

Sweater - George at Asda (Similar)
Skirt - Primark
Necklace - H&M
Shoes - Urban Angel (Similar)

Today after a normal day at hospital I went to my friend Neala's house and met her house rabbit, Buster. He was so cute - brown with a few white patches and really soft fur - and just hops around her room happily, sleeping in a crate at night. We ate some make-your-own Asda pizzas (as I've mentioned before, so good! And I would definitely recommend the barbecue sauce and spicy cheese), and a brownie that we heated up in the microwave. It should have served 4 but we thought it was tiny so devoured it all...

The weather has been awful today - I nearly got blown over as soon as I stepped out the house. Is it bad to say I kind of like it though? I love wintery evenings when you can sit all cosy in bed and hear the wind outside and the rain tapping against the windowpanes. I love this time of year when you have an excuse to wear loads of layers and always put a big chunky scarf on. I always think that there's so much to look forward to in Autumn and Winter - Halloween, bonfire night, Christmas... I'm already very excited for Christmas; I'm going to drive my housemates/family/friends mad by the time it becomes December!

Hannah x

Don't be afraid to fail: be afraid not to try.