Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Failure

Today has been awful for me. I have spent most of the day in bed as I just couldn't get myself up, and my mind has been going round and round with negative thoughts. I kept thinking that I was a failure as I couldn't make myself feel better; a failure for taking a step backwards; and a disappointment to my parents and family. I felt so lonely, my heart ached and I felt physically ill and weak. I slept until late and still felt exhausted, and then couldn't get my mind out of its negative thinking - plus I just couldn't stop crying.

The truth is that it's okay to have days like this. Depression takes a long time to overcome and sometimes people need a day spent in bed, so that they can recover and start over again the next day. I have been through some big changes recently, and I believe that heartbreak can be felt from the loss of a lover, a friend, a family member, a pet, or even just a well-loved object. It is one of the worst things that a human can go through, but trust me it does get better and sometimes there is a reason for it to happen. Each day you will find yourself feeling stronger and more in control, and you will eventually come out the other side. Be patient and have hope - you'll be a stronger and happier individual in the future.

I managed to make myself feel better by speaking to my amazing mum, who is always just a phone call away and knows exactly what to say. She's so level-headed and non-judgemental, and talks to me in a logical but empathetic manner. She made me realise that I have a lot to look forward to and should just look to the future where I will be feeling less depressed, and use tomorrow as a new start where I can get myself out of bed. My counsellor told me to take each little step as it comes in the mornings - and getting up won't feel so bad then. I congratulate myself on completing the tiniest tasks such as cleaning my teeth, because these can feel like a mountain when you have depression and don't want to do anything at all.

I also thought I would post a picture that I was sent, as I feel it's quite a simple but good way of looking at things,


Because when you really think about it, what is the point in worrying about things?

Hannah x

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.

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