Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Self-esteem

I have felt so exhausted this evening after a counselling session - talking about myself and my feelings for an hour always seems to take it out of me.

This week we were discussing my perfectionism and my low self-esteem. My counsellor asked if I could think of any of my friends or family that have good self-esteem, and I told her that I could think of a few. She asked me why I thought they had high self-esteem, and I wasn't exactly sure but I came up with these reasons:
- They have other priorities that come before how they look or what others think about them
- They were brought up with a very supportive family who gave them unconditional love
- They had perhaps had experiences that showed them what was most important in life
- They don't set their standards unrealistically high, and are happiest if they try their best

I think my low self-esteem partly comes from my perfectionism, because I am never quite good enough and can never reach that 'perfect' standard. I have unconditional love from my family, and had an amazing childhood, so I know that that isn't an issue, but I do know that I beat myself up about things if they don't go quite the way I would like them to.

Most of my low self-esteem is around how I look, and my personality. I feel like I have to satisfy everyone and would hate it if anyone didn't like me - which is such an unrealistic expectation, because not everyone in the world is going to like me. From around the age of 10 I have been conscious of how I look and my weight. I remember standing in front of the mirror, pinching my (non-existent) abdominal fat whilst I was in primary school, and cursing myself for having wider hips than the other children.

Anyway, this post was really just to say that I am working on not being so hard on myself, and accepting myself for who I am. I realise that I have unrealistic expectations for myself - I just need to work hard to understand why I think that way and try and tackle my beliefs. My first step is to start saying 'no' to things I don't want to do, and to stand up for my own beliefs - which will hopefully show me that nobody will think any less of me if I don't conform to whatever they want to do all the time. Wish me luck!
Do what is healing to your spirit, and without effort you will bring the world healing in return.
                        - Alan Cohen



1 comment:

  1. I know when you have low self esteem it doesn't matter what anyone says, but personally I want you to know I think you are beautiful inside and out.

    Hope you are ok xx

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