Tuesday, 22 December 2015

What should we base our self-esteem on?

Self-esteem is such a fluctuating and individual idea. It is interesting when you start to delve into what people base their self-esteem on, and how good they feel about themselves - do they base it on how others see them, or on how they fulfill their own ideals and morals?

As I have mentioned in the past, I have quite low self-esteem. Always have done. And it doesn't take much to knock it even further down - a comment from someone I hardly know, or seeing myself in an unflattering angle can make me question my self-worth and put myself down even more than normal. Even a comment that is supposed to be positive can make me feel bad about myself - for example, if someone says I am a good friend, I wonder whether they are just saying it because they feel sorry for me, due to my depression. And then the spiral of negative thoughts begins.

I guess this means that my self-esteem is largely based on what others think about me, and less about how I see myself. And this needs to stop. I need to stop trying to satisfy everyone else, and focus on my morals, including what I need from myself.

To see myself as a good person, and therefore help my self-esteem, I need to be kind and to help others, whilst still remaining modest. I need to be fun and empathetic. A good daughter, friend and family member. When I look deep inside, I know that I mostly satisfy these criterion - I just need to believe in myself more and stop wondering what others think of me. That way, my self-esteem won't be knocked any lower by ridiculously small and insignificant events that happen in my life.

The people that I know with higher self-esteem than myself tend to believe in their abilities and be kind to themselves. They know what they want but don't beat themselves up if they don't achieve it, and don't worry too much about what other people think. They are utterly themselves, which I think is so refreshing, and how I aspire to be.

And I have been myself more recently, discovering the person I really am. I have felt more relaxed around everybody, especially my friends and family, and feel that I can truly show my silly yet mature self. I have been singing a lot more often (badly, may I say!), which always shows that I am feeling happier and better about my personality. I think meeting lots of new people, including blogger friends, has really helped with that this year. Here's to that continuing for the rest of December and through to 2016!

I hope this makes sense - I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need to start believing in ourselves more, and being our own individual selves!
Everything you need will come to you at the perfect time.

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