Monday, 4 January 2016

Don't give up on yourself

"Don't give up on yourself; we're not giving up on you", was what my housemate said to me this evening, whilst I stood in the kitchen sobbing my eyes out, telling her about how awful I have been feeling recently.

For the past week or so, I have been low in mood and have not slept properly for a long time, which all climaxed today, when I ended up feeling the lowest I have in a long time. Today I just couldn't get myself out of bed, couldn't get dressed, didn't want to think about having to face the day ahead. I stopped caring what happened to myself - stopped wanting to take my antidepressants or see my counsellor, stopped wanting to eat or drink or get out from under my duvet. I just didn't care whether I felt better or not - or, in fact, couldn't see myself feeling better, so didn't see the point in taking my medication or even trying anymore. I felt a bit reckless, like anything could happen to me and I just wouldn't care. After nearly 8 years of suffering on and off with depression, I just didn't want to have to cope with it any longer.

But those words that my housemate said to me - "we're not giving up on you" - helped immensely. They made me understand that there are people who love me and want to be around me. I'm not alone. My family and my friends all care more than I realise, and it's for that reason that I have to keep on fighting the black dog inside me.

Don't give up on yourself. You're worth so much more than that, and there are people out there that believe in you.
The flower doesn't dream of the bee, it blossoms and the bee comes.

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