Tuesday, 12 January 2016

Reassurance


My depression leaves me needing a lot of reassurance.

Reassurance about silly things, like what I'm wearing, or more important things, like whether a friend still likes me or not. Tiny things can trigger my need for reassurance - even just not receiving a text from my mum in the mornings can make my mind go into overdrive and jump to a negative conclusion.

And when I don't have someone around me to provide that reassurance, I get really low in mood and my mind spins off on a tangent, thinking the worst about every situation.

It's silly really, as most of the time, deep down, I know the answer to most of my questions. I know that my friends still want to be around me, and I definitely 100% know that my mum wouldn't desert me. I put on clothes because I like them - so they must look okay. And I work hard with my studies, so I know I am doing enough. But my mind just seems to run in a constant negative mode, making it hard to function without reassurance.

However, I'm on a mission to change this. From now on I'm going to try and not seek reassurance whenever I feel like I need it - starting off with the smaller things. I'm going to trust in myself and my instincts, and believe that I make the right choices, no matter how big or small. Asking for reassurance probably gets a bit annoying, and puts me on edge whenever I don't get it - which is the last thing I need. It stops right here*.

*I'll let you know how long that lasts...
There is always a way.



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