Thursday, 29 September 2016

Throwback to the Beckbury Show

I finally got my laptop back! I've only gone without it for 4 days but it feels like so much longer, as I haven't been able to do my blog and have struggled to access cases that I need to write for university. We definitely rely on technology a lot, don't we?

Anyway, I thought I would share some photos of the Beckbury Show that I went to over the weekend - how amazing do these cakes look? I didn't actually buy any and am really regretting that now...

This is Poppet, the miniature daschund. She was SO gorgeous! I definitely need a sausage dog in my life when I can afford one. They are so sweet and good-natured. Poppet just sat there while I took loads of photos of her.

Today has just been spent in hospital as usual, and then I met my mum in Chester for a drink and to pick up my laptop and Kindle. I'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow as I can't wait to get some proper sleep over the weekend!
I'm stronger because I had to be, I'm smarter because of my mistakes, happier because of the sadness I've known, and now wiser because I learned.

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

I'm scared of bed time

Recently I have been having a real problem: I just can't get to sleep at night.

I can sleep for 16 hours at a time in the day if I just drop off for a 'quick nap', but at night I struggle to go to sleep, and to stay asleep. I always try and get around 9 hours of sleep at night, but the past few days I have found myself still wide awake at 4am, knowing that I have to be up in 3 hours' time. This is obviously really frustrating, and has left me tossing and turning and getting cross with myself.

So I have been scared of bed time. Scared of the fact that I could end up just lying there for hours, with bad thoughts going round and round in my mind. Scared of the frustration and extreme fatigue that will come the next day. Scared of the fact that I will disappoint myself once again and not be able to just turn my thoughts off.

The past couple of days I just haven't been able to get myself out of bed, but last night I put a lavender candle on (lavender is supposed to help you sleep), rubbed some sleep balm into my temples and pulse point, and read a book for a while, not looking at the time so that I wasn't pressured to go to sleep. I would simply just sleep when I got tired. It kind of worked - I didn't sleep well, but I slept better.

I haven't slept at all today so I'm hoping that I will have exhausted myself so much that I will sleep through tonight. I honestly just feel emotionally drained, as well as physically fatigued. The worst part is that being so tired is affecting my mood, and I am finding myself having depressive thoughts again.

So, I guess, wish me luck for tonight!

Hannah x

Sunday, 25 September 2016

Silly me

Over the weekend I have been home, and my housemate Kelly joined me. We have had such a lovely time - I always love going home, and especially love showing my friends around Shropshire.

On Saturday we went to the Beckbury Show, a village show in Shropshire where there are stalls, dog shows, horse shows, animals and games. My blog tonight was going to be about it, along with photos I took on my camera, but I forgot to bring my laptop back up to Liverpool with me didn't I. I went to watch a film this afternoon and then realised what I'd done. Silly me! So I'm going to have to do without my laptop for a week and write my blog from my tablet.

I also forgot my Kindle which I was slightly more worried about, as I often find myself reading when I have spare time, and always read a couple of chapters before I go to sleep. However I realised I could download the Kindle app onto my tablet, so I can continue to read The Girl on the Train - hurrah for technology!

Last night we also met my other best friend, Roxy, for a few drinks and a catch up. And then this morning I drove us back up to Liverpool for another week of hospital.

Have a lovely Monday - you got this!

Hannah x

Thursday, 22 September 2016

Lush Spa Liverpool Event

Tonight I was invited to go to Lush in Liverpool for a blogging event, and I was really excited beforehand as I love Lush's products and how natural they are.

When I arrived we were offered a whole array of food and drinks and were welcomed by the staff of Lush. I met up with Aisling and Beth, as well as Katy, Sammy and Danielle. It was lovely to see some of my blogger friends again, as I haven't seen them since before summer!

We were given some little pots to put samples in, so wandered around the shop picking out things that we wanted to try. I mainly picked up loads of face masks, as I have heard good things about them but have never actually got round to trying any of them out.

There were also various demonstrations going on around the shop. Some of us got the chance to make The Comforter Bubble Bar, which was a very messy, yet fun, process!

We also of course got introduced to the Halloween range, which will be in all Lush stores from tomorrow. These pumpkin bubble bars are absolutely gorgeous - we actually got given one in a goody bag which I was very pleased about, and will be testing it out soon.

Lush Halloween 2016

I also fell in love with these little ghost bath melts - and they are called 'Boo' which I think is the cutest thing ever. Just look at their little faces!

Lush Halloween 2016
Lush Halloween 2016

The Autumn Leaf bath bomb makes beautiful colours when it is added to water - it isn't my favourite smell ever, but I think the way it looks makes up for it!

We also had a look around the Lush Spa, which is situated above the shop in Liverpool. It is decorated to look like a countryside retreat, which I think is really lovely, and it has a really relaxing vibe to it. Some of the treatments sound absolutely amazing - they do anything from facials to 3 hour massages plus palm readings. Their treatments are completely different to any others that I have heard from in general spas, and they use all of Lush's own products. You can find more about all of their spa treatments here - I would love to try the Validation Facial or 3 hour long The Planets treatment!

I would like to thank Lush Liverpool for having me; I had such a nice evening and it was great to try out some of the products. I'm actually currently sat here writing this post with a Brazened Honey face mask on, which smells gorgeous and feels amazing on my skin. Hopefully I'll look more attractive once I've taken the mask off...
Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.

Wednesday, 21 September 2016

One very proud daughter

My mum inspires me every day. She is always loving, always kind, and always supportive, even of tiny achievements. She is the person that I will ring any time of the night or day, no matter what. The person that I can always rely on. You can read her blog post about living with someone with depression, where she wrote about me and my own struggles, here. Mum is always understanding and never judgmental. She is so well-respected by her colleagues and friends, and makes me laugh every time I am around her. I'm always proud to call her my mother and best friend.

Mum is also very giving. In fact she is doing a 15 mile walk tomorrow in aid of Alzheimer's society, and I would love it if you could support her alongside me. Most of us will know someone that suffers with dementia, and consequently will know how awful it can be for the family and friends. There is no current treatment for Alzheimer's disease, and the charity carries out research to fight against dementia and the distress that it causes.

If you would like to donate, even just £1 or £2, please visit Mum's Just Giving page here. HSBC bank is doubling every donation, so everything really does count.

Good luck to one of my favourite people in the world, from a very proud daughter xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
                      - Mark Twain

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

The 10 best moments of my travels

If you've followed my  blog since the summer, you'll know that I spent just over 7 weeks travelling Fiji, Australia and Bali. I have missed travelling a lot since I've been away, and I've been looking through my photos the past few days, so I thought I would share with you the 10 best moments of my travels. To be honest, it was really difficult to narrow it down to 10.

In no particular order (I couldn't choose!), here they are:

1) Bali - Elephants
I have always wanted to get up close to elephants (they are one of my favourite animals), and I finally got the chance to in Bali. They are such magnificent creatures and it was amazing to be able to bathe with them and feed them. This was most definitely one of my favourite days of my life. You can read more about the elephants here.

2) Australia - Koalas
Again another animal-related memory, but cuddling a koala has to be on this list. They were so fluffy and cute, and mine just basically sat there and ate eucalyptus while I was holding it. You can read more about the koalas here.

3) Fiji - Island trip
I'm not actually sure what this island was called, but I did a trip from Beachouse hostel there, and it was literally the most beautiful place I have ever visited. I snorkelled in the crystal clear water, and sunbathed on the bright white beach. And then we had a barbecue. Sun, beautiful scenery and food - I was basically in paradise. Read more here.

4) Fiji - Beachcomber Island
Beachcomber was the place that we found out we had passed our finals, so it will always have a special place in my heart. We partied a lot, sunbathed a lot, and met some incredible people on Beachcomber. Plus it was breathtakingly beautiful with turquoise water and white sand. You can read more about Beachcomber in this post.

5) Australia - Diving the Great Barrier Reef
Quite honestly, just to say that I have dived the Great Barrier Reef is incredible. I had never dived before and was really nervous, but I had such a good time and we saw some amazing fish. Definitely something I would do again. Read more here.

6) Australia - Fraser Island
Fraser Island was such a fun trip - especially as we got to drive 4x4s on the beach (Fraser Island is the largest sand island in the world). We met some lovely people there (#scubs) and all got on really well, and we even got to see dingoes. Fraser's scenery is breathtaking, and it made me feel very lucky to be travelling up the East Coast of Australia. Read more about Fraser here.

7) Australia - The Whitsundays and Whitehaven Beach
During my Whitsunday Islands sailing trip I got about 20m from a whale. 2 whales, in fact - a mother and baby. Actual living, breathing, giant whales. We watched them at the surface for about half an hour before they dived back down, and it has to be one of the most incredible things I have ever seen in my life. We also visited Whitehaven Beach, which has been voted the 4th most beautiful beach in the world (photographic evidence above). I snorkelled, paddle boarded, sunbathed, swam, and ate some amazing food. Definitely a trip I will never forget. Read more here.

8) Bali - Mount Batur
Whilst in Ubud in Bali, I had the opportunity to hike up a volcano called Mount Batur and watch the sunrise from the top. It was a really hard physical hike up the mountain, but I felt amazing when I finally got to the top, where I ate breakfast whilst watching the sun come up. Oh, and I also met some adorable 2 week old baby puppies, which topped the whole experience off. Read about Mount Batur here.

9) Australia - Skydive
So this kind of had to be included, because skydiving will never not be amazing. I skydived over Airlie Beach and the Whitsundays this summer, and it's my second skydive I've done so far. If possible, it was better than the first - purely because of the scenery and weather. The adrenaline rush is also unreal. Read more here.

10) Australia - Byron Bay
And last but not least, Byron Bay. We visited Byron as our second destination in Australia, just after Sydney, and I fell in love with it straight away. Its relaxed surfer vibes were just what we needed after busy Sydney, and I loved spending time wandering the main street and looking in all of the vintage shops. We also surfed and visited the lighthouse in Byron, where we also saw some whales and a wallaby. Read more about Byron Bay here.

To be honest, I loved every single day while we were away, and enjoyed everything we did, but these were the top 10 that I narrowed it down to. Other days of note: Taveuni waterfalls, Taveuni natural waterslide, Beachouse, Sydney, the blue mountains, Noosa, the monkey forest, and Gili T.

As well as the places, it was the people that really made my travels. I met some wonderful people who hopefully will be in my life for a long time to come, and travelling with two the best people from university was an incredible experience.
I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list.
                         - Susan Sontag

Saturday, 17 September 2016

Check out my first YouTube video!

I made my first YouTube video! It's of my trip to Fiji over the summer - you can view it at or below. Let me know if you enjoy it! I'm hoping to do one for Australia and Bali too.

Hannah x

Sometimes I hate medicine

This is something that a medical student probably shouldn't ever say, but sometimes I hate medicine.

Sometimes it can be really disheartening and disappointing, especially if you don't particularly feel like you've achieved anything in a day or benefited a patient. Like today - I basically spent the whole day watching the doctors doing paperwork, and then when I actually tried to help a patient by taking blood from them, I ended up stabbing them twice but was not able to get any blood. I spent over 9 hours in hospital, but came away feeling like I had achieved nothing.

I guess that all jobs have downsides to them, and most people probably hate their jobs once in a while. But I really don't want to hate being a doctor at all, as I don't want that to affect how I am around patients, or how I care for people. I don't want to make mistakes. And I don't want to end up hating the job that I have dedicated 5 years of my life to because I am so passionate about it.

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I am putting myself through medical school, when I could find a perfectly good job that I wouldn't have to work so hard for. But then I remember how much I want to be a doctor, and why I applied to medicine all those years ago (way back in 2011!). I want to put my knowledge to the test and help people, and I feel so privileged that I get to work so closely with patients, and that they put their trust in me to help them.

So although some days I dislike medicine, I have many more days where I love it. Even on the days where I feel that I haven't achieved much, I am still learning. Today I learnt how to fill in paperwork, which is an important part of the job, especially when I become an F1.

Quite honestly, I now can't wait to become a doctor so that I will definitely be useful each day, and hopefully won't come away feeling disappointed in my working day. I guess just turning up to my job and being nice to people benefits people in a small way, as does giving patients a reassuring smile or being a hand to hold during a painful procedure.
Be somebody nobody thought you could be.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Getting older and body image

"As you get older, you become happier with your body," my mum used to tell me. And did I believe her? Of course not! Getting older meant more fat, more stretch marks, and more wrinkles.

However, at the grand old age of 23, I have realised that she is right (as usual). As a teenager, I used to get so hung up over my body. I even remember being about 10 years old and hating the size of my hips. Even at my slimmest point (which happened to be when I was really ill with my depression), I still thought that I was huge and was never particularly happy with how I looked.

But as I've got older I've found myself caring less and less about how I look, and what shape my body is. I think I've just realised that there are more important things in life, and that actually, other people don't particularly care how I look, so why should I?

I've also accepted that this is how my body is, and even if I went on a crazy diet it's not actually going to change that much. All of the females on my mum's side of the family have big hips and a more curvy figure, so I could never be skinny (unless I had some ribs taken out... Definitely not an option when you're scared of needles...).

I generally just don't think about my body that much anymore. I eat what I want, within reason, and just seem to have much more important things on my mind. Getting older has taught me that people aren't going to like me any less because I'm a particular clothes size, or because of my weight, so why should it make me dislike myself?

Society has decided that we all need to be that 'perfect' size 10 and curvy but still slim, but quite honestly I don't see many people around that would actually fit that description, so why are we all so worried about it? There is no 'normal' - everyone is completely different, and I think that should be something that is celebrated.

So basically, the moral of this story is that everyone should just listen to their mums. They are undoubtedly always right. Especially when they tell you that you're gorgeous just the way you are.
You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.
                   - Amy Bloom