Wednesday, 28 September 2016

I'm scared of bed time


Recently I have been having a real problem: I just can't get to sleep at night.

I can sleep for 16 hours at a time in the day if I just drop off for a 'quick nap', but at night I struggle to go to sleep, and to stay asleep. I always try and get around 9 hours of sleep at night, but the past few days I have found myself still wide awake at 4am, knowing that I have to be up in 3 hours' time. This is obviously really frustrating, and has left me tossing and turning and getting cross with myself.

So I have been scared of bed time. Scared of the fact that I could end up just lying there for hours, with bad thoughts going round and round in my mind. Scared of the frustration and extreme fatigue that will come the next day. Scared of the fact that I will disappoint myself once again and not be able to just turn my thoughts off.

The past couple of days I just haven't been able to get myself out of bed, but last night I put a lavender candle on (lavender is supposed to help you sleep), rubbed some sleep balm into my temples and pulse point, and read a book for a while, not looking at the time so that I wasn't pressured to go to sleep. I would simply just sleep when I got tired. It kind of worked - I didn't sleep well, but I slept better.

I haven't slept at all today so I'm hoping that I will have exhausted myself so much that I will sleep through tonight. I honestly just feel emotionally drained, as well as physically fatigued. The worst part is that being so tired is affecting my mood, and I am finding myself having depressive thoughts again.

So, I guess, wish me luck for tonight!

Hannah x

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