Saturday, 17 September 2016

Sometimes I hate medicine

This is something that a medical student probably shouldn't ever say, but sometimes I hate medicine.

Sometimes it can be really disheartening and disappointing, especially if you don't particularly feel like you've achieved anything in a day or benefited a patient. Like today - I basically spent the whole day watching the doctors doing paperwork, and then when I actually tried to help a patient by taking blood from them, I ended up stabbing them twice but was not able to get any blood. I spent over 9 hours in hospital, but came away feeling like I had achieved nothing.

I guess that all jobs have downsides to them, and most people probably hate their jobs once in a while. But I really don't want to hate being a doctor at all, as I don't want that to affect how I am around patients, or how I care for people. I don't want to make mistakes. And I don't want to end up hating the job that I have dedicated 5 years of my life to because I am so passionate about it.

Sometimes I sit and wonder why I am putting myself through medical school, when I could find a perfectly good job that I wouldn't have to work so hard for. But then I remember how much I want to be a doctor, and why I applied to medicine all those years ago (way back in 2011!). I want to put my knowledge to the test and help people, and I feel so privileged that I get to work so closely with patients, and that they put their trust in me to help them.

So although some days I dislike medicine, I have many more days where I love it. Even on the days where I feel that I haven't achieved much, I am still learning. Today I learnt how to fill in paperwork, which is an important part of the job, especially when I become an F1.

Quite honestly, I now can't wait to become a doctor so that I will definitely be useful each day, and hopefully won't come away feeling disappointed in my working day. I guess just turning up to my job and being nice to people benefits people in a small way, as does giving patients a reassuring smile or being a hand to hold during a painful procedure.
Be somebody nobody thought you could be.
#projectsmile



2 comments:

  1. Hang in there. It will get better. Follow your heart and it sounds like you’re doing that already. We all have bad days but it does get better.

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  2. I also have days when I hate medicine! I had a day this week when I missed two cannulas, failed to get blood from another patient, couldn't make the fax work, couldn't get through to the oncology nurse about a patient and wasn't able to prescribe anything to help two patients with their symptoms because they were having procedures the next day that would complicate things. It was a miserable day and did make me question what on earth I was doing. On days like this, I just try to forget it all when I go home, do something completely unrelated and just look after myself a bit. It's nearly always better the next day and I remember why I'm putting myself through it all!
    Jennifer X
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

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