Monday, 8 December 2014

My Nan

As you may be aware, I lost my Nan yesterday. I wanted to do a post on a few of my favourite memories of her, but I didn't know if it was too soon. But then, when is too soon with bereavement? Everybody deals with it so differently.

One of Nan's favourite memories of us was when we moved house - my sister was only 3 weeks old and we were all hungry and tired by the end of the day. Her and her partner suddenly appeared like the cavalry with a pile of fish and chips and our dogs, and basically fed the 5000.

She always used to look after our pets while we were on holiday, and I will never forget the time she fed our hamster chocolate biscuits (he didn't last too long after that). She had a biscuit jar hidden in the top cupboard of her kitchen, and by the time my sister Mollie was about 2 years of age she had worked out how to climb up and reach into the jar, to steal more and more biscuits.

Nan was never without her sweets and chocolates, and would insist that everyone in the room should have one (or two, or three), and then take a handful home with them. I quite often came away with half-empty packets of jelly babies. She was a joy to sit and listen to and her carers loved visiting her room and chatting with her (although the free sweets were also a massive incentive). Nan was a very mischievous lady with a funny streak, but was so proud of all of her family. She would always introduce me to everybody that saw us together as "the medical student granddaughter", if they didn't already know who I was as she told them time and time again. She was also incredibly proud of my dad, and you could tell that she doted on everything he did.

I don't really want to write anymore as this is making me quite upset; I'm sad that she will never see me graduate, never see me marry, or even ever offer me a sweet again. I love her so much and don't really know how to deal with my grief, as it's the first close family member I've ever lost: I found it incredibly hard to get out of bed at 4pm this afternoon. Sleep is definitely the best form of denial. This is such a jumbled post as my head isn't really in the right place at the moment, but I felt like I should write a bit on here about her as she was such an amazing lady and was just so loving and appreciated everything anyone did for her. This post from Lily really helped me understand my emotions, and I would recommend a read if you are going through a loss of your own.

I love you Nan, so much.

Hannah x

They who we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are.

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