Monday, 14 August 2017

Sometimes I question why I chose to become a doctor

On days like today, when I seemed to be working for hours on end and everything went wrong and nothing went right, I question why I chose to become a doctor.

Today both of our seniors were away so myself and another junior doctor had to do a ward round to see all of our patients. Some of these patients were quite unwell, and as we are junior we didn't feel comfortable managing them by ourselves. Everything took that little bit longer because we were checking and double-checking everything, as we didn't have our seniors to rely on. Then I had to go and take blood and I missed three times, which was so frustrating. By this point it was 3pm and I hadn't had chance to even think about lunch - by the time I was able to grab a sandwich I had to sit at a computer to write a discharge letter while I was eating it. Everything just seemed to take a long amount of time, and I felt like I didn't even get a minute to go to the loo or have a drink (until my pounding headache reminded me that I had a bottle of squash in my bag). I ended up finishing about 6.15pm, which wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I still ended up doing a 10 and a half hour day. To sum it all up, it was a very long, difficult day that I don't wish to repeat any time soon!

Sometimes I think about quitting and getting a normal 9-5 job, where I know I could leave at 5pm on the dot and not have to worry about work afterwards. Sometimes I am really envious of my friends and family that have 'normal' office jobs and are able to lead a separate personal and professional life. Medicine becomes a lifestyle that you cannot easily escape when you are a doctor, and sometimes I resent that.

It's days like today that I have to reflect on the positive aspects of my job. The reason I'm a doctor is because I wanted to help people, I love learning, and it just seems to fit to my personality and who I am. When I started medical school everything just seemed to fall into place, and I knew it was the right career for me. And I do love it. Most days the job satisfaction is incredible, especially when I feel like I've really made a difference to a patient or their family. Even if that's just being able to get them home quickly or sort out their first meal after an operation.

I always knew that being a doctor would bring really difficult days, but I guess I could never prepare myself for how hard it could sometimes get - and I bet today wasn't half as bad as some of the days I will face in the future. Today I felt like I was letting the patients and my team down, even though I was working to the best of my abilities. I did feel like having a little cry when I was in the treatment room gathering all of the equipment together to try and take blood yet again!

But I got through it, and I know that tomorrow will probably be a better day. After all, I am still learning a lot of things, and skills like blood taking will just come with practice.

Hannah x

2 comments:

  1. Hope you managed to get a good rest and a bit of downtime after this - sounds like a really stressful day! I can definitely relate to how hard it gets when you don't have your seniors around. Sounds like you and your colleague were great with your patients though, taking time to be really safe - and that's the very best thing you can do. And as for missing bloods multiple times? Yep, been there many times!! I don't know how it is at your hospital, but where I worked for F1 the nurses and phlebotomists did almost all the bloods and doctors only got the difficult ones. My biggest tip (as you may have learned from this!) is that unless it's an emergency, bloods can wait until you've had something to eat. Fine motor skill and hypoglycaemia don't mix very well! Hope that the rest of your week is a little better :)
    Jennifer x
    Ginevrella | Lifestyle Blog

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  2. It would be a good deed to become a doctor and serve the human life in the best way you can.
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